Dear Teachers

There are three things in this world that I could never be: A Dentist, anything involving feet and a teacher.
Why? Well you gotta be all kinds of crazy if you actually want to be a dentist, in my experience, they’re just slightly psychotic people who get paid to inflict actual pain in ones mouth. Feet disgust me. There is one exception and that’s baby feet, but anything over a child’s size 7, freaks me the fuck out! And last, but by no means least, a teacher.
I have the utmost respect for teachers. For doing a job I could never in a million years even contemplate doing and every summer hols reminds me of exactly why I could never do it.
For one, being crammed into this house with limited space and 4 rabid kids is enough to drive anyone to be drinking gin at any given time during the day. The thought of doing your job, a teachers job with 30 kids? Well that’s enough to put me in an early grave.
I don’t know how you do it, I don’t know how you control them all, comfort them all, get them all to line up or sit nicely. Perhaps you have some magic powers that us mere mortals could only dream of? Perhaps you have the kind of command in your voice I look forward to hearing from my other half when he comes home. Whatever it is, you have my respect. I can barely manage to get one of my children to find BOTH socks, you manage to get a whole class to change into a full PE kit. With shoes! Hats off to you.
And then of course there’s the actual teaching part. At the beginning of this holiday I was all set with new stationery and work books for the younger ones to complete. I sat down with Charlie (once) to go through a numbers book and lost patience at number 6 when he couldn’t for the life of him write a single number. I didn’t lose my temper or anything I just thought “this isn’t for me” – I can’t teach.
How you don’t lose your shit before mid morning break I’ll never know. It took me all of ten minutes to give up and throw that damn book in the bin. You have a class full of kids of all different abilities and somehow they will all learn their ABCs within a week or two. Amazing.
So thank you, teachers, for being blessed with the patience of a saint, with this skill of teaching and the ability to make kids listen to you. Thank you for doing all the things I could never do. If it was left to me? They wouldn’t know their numbers from letters and would still be leaving the house at 20 years old with a missing sock.
Hayley-Jayne Xx
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