Never has there been a topic that is judged more than motherhood.
Everything “mom” is judged one way or another; breasting feeding or formula, returning to work, staying at home. Spoon weaning or baby-led, decline, name choice; you name it, it’s getting judged somewhere by someone and I’ve had enough.
I’m so glad that in 2018 we are embracing all the truths that surround parenting that we’re once unheard of but still very real nonetheless. We are moving away from the perfect parenting guide books and parenting classes, so why the hell are we still judging everything a mother does? And let’s be honest, dad’s don’t have to suffer this ridicule. So why should we?
Motherhood isn’t a job where everyone gets tested to see who is doing it better, who is more worthy of promotion or a pay rise and yet sometimes it feels nothing we do, can be done in peace without being criticised for it or have our wrongs pointed out by those who feel they do it right.
Motherhood isn’t a game. We’re all winners and losers here, we all fail at something and thrive at something else and yet still we are made to feel like we are competing – with pampered perfect mom, working mom, stay-at-home-mom, I’ve always got my shit together mom, but you know what? We. Are. All. Moms!
Yet, right from the moment of conception we’re made to feel like we haven’t being doing it right. “Did you take folic acid 3 months before conception?” “Are you taking it now” “what about vitamins?” Oh no, you can’t eat cheese, you shouldn’t be working out at the gym, try yoga instead. But only pregnancy yoga.
Then labour and birth: natural labour is best, try a water birth, it’s much better for baby, you want drugs? No drug free is the safest way, oh your having a c-section, that’s the easy way out. A natural birth with no pain relief? God you must be insane.
Then feeding; breast is best. Breast feed exclusively for 6 months, not latching? You’re doing it wrong. No milk, starve your baby. You’re starving your baby!? God give him formula. You’re giving him formula? Oh no, breast is fucking best!
Fuck my actual life. Are you exhausted yet? Feeling drained? I sure am.
Then there’s sleeping; co-sleeping is encouraged, no you can’t co-sleep, you’ll risk hurting your baby, baby must sleep in a crib not a cot, he must stay in your room. For 6 months. No wait, for life. You’re moving him to his own room when he’s one? What if you don’t hear him wake? What if he’s lonely. You’re keeping him with you? For how long? He’ll get too attached, he’ll be clingy a brat.
Give it all a god damn break.
Listen, think of motherhood like a bunch of women at a starting line, the finish line is our babies all grown up, healthy decent humans. There are many roads that lead to that finish line, all are twisted, there are plenty of bumps, holes and obstacles. Each road is different and Each mom takes a different road, but it doesn’t matter how we get there or what road we took, the finish line is all the fucking same.
The road of motherhood is the one we took because it was the right one for us and our child. Stay at home moms road wasn’t right for working moms road but that doesn’t mean one is better than the other.
So can we please, stop with the mum judgement and start supporting and encouraging each other instead? After all, we're all in the same situation; WE ARE ALL MOMS!
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