We would never cheat on our other half, but that doesn’t mean we want to be seen as the stereo-typical “Mum Frump” when hot workmen are in our home.
Here are 5 things mums do to go from drab to fab…
1. Clean the bathroom.
You absolutely do not want Hot Plumper to think you neglect the best room in the house by leaving evidence of your sons poor aim around the toilet! Bleach the hell out of it and be smug.
2. Fill the kettle & Prepare a pop-up coffee shop.
Workmen love tea. And coffee. And biscuits. So to show you’re a top Wife and hostess you gather the biscuit tin, 5 varieties of “posh” coffee and several brands of tea bags. First thing you ask as they walk in? Do you want a drink…? 2 sugars? My hand in marriage*? (*jokes!)
3. Hide the baby toys/paw patrol junk/match attack cards
Because they are everywhere and your house is a dump as a result. You want these guys to know you totally have your shit together: damn right you can have 4 kids, cook an epic breakfast sandwich AND have a spotless house!
4. Change out of your “mum” clothes
Those black Primark leggings and mum cardi are only to be seen on the school run and by the owner of Costcutter. Shapely skinny jeans that round off your rear are THE only appropriate leg wear. Matched with a semi-sheer blouse of course!
5. Put your face on.
You’re only entitled to scare the crap out of your other half with your dark under eye bags. Conceal and contour that shit up, apply some red lippy and pretend “this is how I always look” – I know, I’m awesome, right?